Since my last post, the days have only gotten shorter and colder. I am trying my best not to let it get to me too much and focus on the future, on the sunnier (literally and metaphorically) days ahead.
I am not a fan of winter clothing, it is always a struggle to find comfortable clothing that are thick enough to keep me warm – I can’t wear wool or anything resembling wool as it makes me itch all over. I have childhood memories of itchy sweaters and how wearing them would actually ruin the whole day. All I could think about was the itching and wanting to rip those freaking sweaters into shreds. Somehow it wasn’t until after my teenage years that I realised that clothing isn’t supposed to make you feel so uncomfortable. I started being very picky about the materials I buy – anything with wool, acryle, or any kind of prickly fabric is a no no.
I was also recently reminded by my strong aversion to polonecks. A clothing chain shop nearby was having a final sale before closing down and the cheap prices tempted me to go and have a look. Somehow I ended up trying this poloneck shirt on, thinking it would probably look quite nice, and I was hopeful that maybe I had somehow grown over my hate for polonecks. Nope. Just as horrible as before. I swear polonecks were originally designed as a means of torture.
This made me think of a scene from Atypical (the Netflix dramedy series of a high school boy with Asperger’s) when he had got this new leather jacket because he wanted to start dressing ‘cool’ and he wore the jacket to class. You know how leather sometimes makes that annoying creaking sound (a while ago someone on the train was wearing a leather jacket and every time he moved the jacket creaked – I kinda wanted to tell him to get rid of his jacket, lol)- well, the scene ends with the boy desperately tearing the jacket off himself and running across the classroom to throw it in the bin. I found this scene hilarious and moving at the same time – everyone in class looked at him funnily, ‘what’s wrong with him?’ It’s difficult to explain so-called neurotypical people why certain textiles against your skin or certain sounds can really drive you crazy. I know it sounds quite ridiculous – how can one sweater ruin the whole day? It’s because some people (those on the spectrum particularly) are very sensitive to sounds, touch, smells – all kind of stimulus outside the body. As a child I used to pull my polo necks because they made me feel like suffocating. I remember several instances from my childhood when I would come back from school and I would be on verge of a a meltdown and I would violently tear off my sweater that had been torturing me for the whole day. Now it kind of makes me laugh, but back then it wasn’t funny at all.
Do you have an aversion to certain types of materials or have memories of ‘torturous sweaters’?
Nowadays I hardly ever have meltdowns over clothes, although I hate it when I spot a pretty sweater or a cardigan in a shop, and the fabric is of the torturous kind. One more reason to love summer: all that lightweight, silky fabric that my skin likes!
I keep receiving emails with cheap flight offers and there are so many places – Thailand, Maldives, Israel – that I want to explore but I guess just have to accept the fact that there is no holiday (or at least the sunny and warm kind of holiday) in sight until next summer. Trying my best to not dwell in depression and trying to fight the cold weather by layering myself in (non-itchy) warm clothing. I guess the best thing about winter is that it’s okay to be a little lazy and this time of the year it’s more acceptable to spend your day curled into a blanket in the corner of your sofa with Netflix and a bar of chocolate.