As I’m writing this, the winter is slowly turning into spring and over the past few months I have been focused on making plans for the new year. I can’t believe how fast the days and weeks go by. The deadline for master’s degree applications is only two months away and in less than 6 months I am due to start my studies in England. I am going to make a separate post about moving and planning the future at some point, but right now I am just waiting for my references so that I can complete my applications. Strangely I’m not feeling as panicky thinking about the move and going back to study again as I did a few months ago.. but I still have months to get back into panic mode again.
I’m just recovering from a flu and I always notice how feeling physically unwell also strongly affects me mentally. I’ve had increased anxiety and going to work has felt like such a pain this week. It doesn’t help that our team leader is one of the most difficult people I’ve ever encountered. Luckily I am not the only one that feels this way. If I didn’t have anyone at work to talk about it with, I’d just assume it’s me again who just has issues understanding human behavior. Having some nice co-workers really makes my current job bearable and has helped me feel more ‘normal’ in the sense that I no longer see myself as the odd one out who doesn’t know how to socialize – or I am able to laugh at those oddities, like when I completely miss my co-worker’s joke because my interpretation of it is a little different (I am not going to write an example, as it’s way too embarrassing!) When I leave, I am certainly going to miss those co-workers that have helped me cope in the job for over two years. But I am definitely not going to miss listening to the constant arguments and complaining by certain individuals, or the malfunctioning air-conditioning that turns on at 8pm during summers and then doesn’t turn off all winter. I have always struggled with changes, whether they are bad or good – it’s just the fear of change itself, and having to break the routine I have been repeating for a long time. Still, I am looking forward to the changes in my life and feel proud that I am no longer letting my fear of change stop me from taking action the way it did years ago.
I have been collecting definitions of some inspiring words in different languages (sometimes I wonder how many words the English language is missing, even ones that I think are normal everyday words – like myötähäpeä in Finnish; it refers to ‘The uncomfortable sympathetic feeling experienced while watching someone else embarrass themselvelves’ (from Wikipedia)). Vicarious embarrassment just doesn’t cover the whole meaning and doesn’t sound like a ‘normal’ word to me. At least for us Finns ‘myötähäpeä’ is a very common word – perhaps it does have something to do with our culture – we just tend to get embarrassed a lot in general 😄
Here are some other words that I can totally relate to and I think should exist in every language: