The medication I’ve been taking makes me feel calmer, but I am wondering how bad things would get without it. And sometimes I wonder which is my actual personality, the one whose brain chemistry has been altered by these meds, or the one without?
I am sat in front of the cathedral in sunshine, and I feel like seeing this beautiful view I should be happy. I try, in this moment, remind myself of the things I have been blessed with. I try to tell myself that I am free to do anything, and free to go anywhere in this world. The only thing stopping me are the thoughts in my head, and the feeling that I am trapped with these fears and limitations.
I might be alone in this moment, but am I really that alone? Looking around me, most of the people have someone with them, and it makes me feel a little sad inside. But does it mean these people feel happier? Sometimes you feel just as alone with people around you as you do by yourself.
Why is it so difficult to focus on the moment, and empty your head from worries about tomorrow, about the next weeks and months, and years?
Why is it so difficult to appreciate the people in your life? Just because they are not here right now, doesn’t mean they stop existing in your life or caring about you.
On the other hand, why is it so easy to make one person the focus of your life and crave for their attention more than anyone else’s?